Manners in New York vs. Manners in France

A lot of travelers think the French are rude. Of course, some can be, but for most casual interactions, the French really stick to some basic politenesses and it’s the tourist getting it mixed up.

But say hello, at least. People will completely ignore you until they here that “Bonjour” - and then everything can start.

Unless the area is awash in tourists, it’s this way, even in Paris.

When you first step into a French shop, the overwhelming politeness can be a bit off-putting, especially coming from New York City where interactions can be brief.

Exchanges usually begin and end with pleasantries and if you’re not doing those, then you’re being kind of weird, if not rude. So say hello, at least.

A typical encounter at a store:

Cashier (seeing me approach): "Bonjour!"

Me: "Bonjour!"

Cashier: "That'll be 9.34, please."

Me: "OK, here you go."

Cashier: "Thank you very much. Here’s your change."

Me: "Thank you!"

Cashier: "You’re welcome. But it's me who thanks you. Have a good day! Bye!"

Me: "Thanks, you too! Bye bye. Have a nice day, etc."

Cashier (as I leave): "Thanks, bye!"

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Skipping these little things makes for it awkward and the French dislike an awkward moment as much as anyone, maybe a bit more.

Even the panhandlers are notably polite. The guy outside of my boulangerie is a regular there and says hello to everyone. It’s odd to not say hello back to him, to ask how he’s doing, etc.

You do the same with the people at bakery, but faster. Be polite, but be quick about it - the boulangerie is a busy place. 

Something in French society kind of demands that acknowledge the person in front of you before you get to business. You’ll usually get better service.

By comparison, back home in NYC, it’s a little strange to do all of that. Tell me what you want or it’s like you’re wasting my time somehow. I’m happy to help you, but get to the point. If you can do that, then New Yorkers are polite.

Me: “Hello!

Cashier: silence, possible eye contact

Me: “How are you?”

Cashier: more silence, ringing things up

Me: “Nice weather we’re having.” Now I’m the weird one.

Cashier: “9.34”

Me: “Here you go!”

Cashier: silence, hands back change

Me: “Thanks!”

Cashier: “Next!”

Me: “Have a nice day! See you soon!”

Cashier: “Next!!”

Just end it, already. Get to business, get moving on. Even then, people will open up and talk to you if they see you a few times. But you don’t do that the first time. In France, it’s the first time, every time, with every person, for every transaction, almost. Maybe in bakeries and emergency rooms you could skip the hellos.

New York manners don’t travel so well

I was traveling with a friend a few years back and every interaction was like this, always starting in English, even though we had gone to 3 different European countries that didn’t use English as a major language.

Friend: “Hey!”

Cashier: Confusion. Silence. Blinking, usually.

Friend: “How much?” holding up whatever interested him

Cashier: “Uh.” Then maybe finding whatever English they had for a moment, “uh. ‘nine-three-four’.”

Friend:  “Yeah? You take 8?”

Cashier: “Uh, um, no. It is nine-three-four…?”

Friend: “Eight?”

Cashier: “nine-three-four?”

Friend: “No. Okay.” Then leaves.

One shop we visited 3 times because it was right by the hotel. You could see the horror on the woman’s face when we walked in.

You can’t just drop English on people out of the blue. It’s not fair. At least if they get a second to hear that you’re fumbling through your “bonjours,” they’ve got a second to adjust and see that you’re trying, at least.